5 Ways to Heal a Heartbreak

“Relationships are like glass.  Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.” ~ Anonymous.

Ending a relationship hurts, even when you know you’re no good together. But just because it hurts to break up, doesn’t mean you’re supposed to stay together! A broken relationship may leave shards of glass behind…and you may need to walk away. Letting go of someone you love  is hard, but it may be the best thing you could ever do.

To let go and heal...
1. Own your actions – you can take control. “I have been trying to get over my first love,” says S.S., who can't let go of her ex. “But every time I decide to do that I end up contacting him or he tries to contact me.” To move on, sometimes you need to cut off all forms of contact. I know how hard it is, but taking control, finding your inner strength, and not responding when he contacts you or you want to contact him is one of the best ways to overcome a breakup. You need to take ownership over your life.
2. Listen to what he says, but believe what he does. “It has been over a year and half since he broke up with me but he still tells me he loves me every time we talk,” says S.S. “I want him to come back to me completely but he says he can’t do that.” If your ex-boyfriend says he can’t get back together with you, believe him. He may say he loves you -- and he may truly love you -- but if he really wanted to be with you, he would be with you. If he says he isn’t love with you anymore , you need to focus on other – better – parts of your life. You must accept what he says and move on. Yes, I know it’s difficult….but the sooner you pull yourself together and overcome the breakup, the happier you’ll be.
3. Stop focusing on your problems, and what you can’t do. Maybe you can’t talk to your friends about the breakup, can’t contact a counselor for professional help, and can’t understand why you can’t to heal your heartache and move on. Well, what CAN you do? What steps can you take towards your goals in life? Your first step is to figure out what your short and long-term goals are. Where do you want to be in one month, three months, six months, and a year? Write those down. Then, underneath each goal (for instance, “feel happier and more confident about my future”), write three ways to accomplish that goal (eg, “spend time with people who are positive and optimistic”, or “start a volunteer job that makes me feel good about who and where I am”). Stop focusing on the “I can’t” and “I wish” parts of life. Instead, move forward towards the things you can achieve!
4. Stay connected to who you are – your authentic self. Many women are confused about how they should act with their ex – especially if the breakup isn’t final. Here’s what Kathleen says: “How do I turn things around and be a fun girl to hang out with again? I’m confused and anxious about approaching any oncoming situation, even things as small as our next phone call, and who should initiate it!” To overcome obsessive thoughts about your ex, you need to stay in touch with your healthiest, happiest, most fulfilled self. This means grounding yourself in what you love to do, connecting with friends and family who know you best, writing your true thoughts and feelings in a journal. It also means not catering to fears, insecurities, or negative feelings.
5. Keep your long-term life goals in mind. Step back from your emotions and feelings and yearnings for a moment. Answer these questions logically and rationally – write your answers in a journal or diary: Is your boyfriend the healthiest choice for you? Are his life goals in line with your long-term life goals? Is he emotionally, physically, and spiritually available to you? Does he want to work on your relationship? Does he bring out the best in you, and make you feel secure, loved, smart, and independent? Think about your relationship with a cool head and calm mind…let yourself feel all those uncontrollable emotions and yearnings, but don’t get swept away in a tidal wave of hopeless love and devotion.
What do you think -- how do you dump your relationship baggage?


by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

Set yourself free... (part 3)

Relationships built on jealousy and selfishness is doomed from the very beginning. The hardest part is of losing love is letting go and moving on. Most of us cry endlessly over things that could have been, but never will be.

"God allows us to experience pain to make us stronger and better persons. He will see us through the most trying and difficult times in our lives. Only in our trust in Him can we learn to find joy in our tears and happiness in our sorrows."

In many failed relationships, separation comes as an inevitable choice but moving on always proves to be twice as difficult as letting go. Sometimes, the end of a relationship is imposed on us, but our choice to hold on is always beyond circumstances.

Letting go is a decision that can never be dictated on us. It is a resolve we make ourselves.

"ACCEPTANCE IS THE KEY TO A NEW BEGINNING, AND TIME IS THE HEALER OF ALL WOUNDS." Even if the storm casts its fearful shadow, there will always be a light after darkness and lonely moments. There is always a hope for those who believe. There is always a chance for those who try.

'LOSING SOMEONE MAY NOT BE A LOSS AT ALL, BUT A BLESSING, BECAUSE SOMEONE EVEN BETTER IS YET TO COME.'

There is nothing wrong in expressing our feelings to someone we love, but we must always be sensitive to the signals that tell us when to rationalize and be sensible. There comes a time when we fall for someone who is not interested in us because his attention is focused on someone else. There are many times when we love but don't get loved in return. There are times when the sign ahead says STOP and we stubbornly head on.

If we say love is unconditional, then we should not expect for anything. But why do we get frustrated when love turns sour? Because we still subconsciously seek acceptance and assurance from the people we care about.

"BEING IN LOVE CAN BE THE MOST WONDERFUL THING WE COULD EXPERIENCE, BUT IF IT BEGINS TO CONSUME OUR WHOLEBEING, THEN WE HAVE TO STOP AND LET OUR MIND AND NOT OUR HEARTS DICTATE OUR ACTIONS. ONLY WHEN WE LEARN TO ACCEPT OUR FATE, AND UNDERSTAND THE MEANING OF OUR FAILURES, CAN WE TRULY GO ON WITH LIFE WITHOUT HAVING TO LOOK BACK AND CRY OVER THE THINGS THAT COULD HAVE BEEN BUT NEVER WILL BE....."

Set yourself free... (part 2)

There comes a time in our lives when we chance upon someone so nice and beautiful, and we just find ourselves getting so intensely attracted to that person. This feeling soon becomes a part of our everyday lives and eventually consumes our thoughts and actions. The sad part of it is when we begin to realize that this person feels nothing more for us than friendship. We start our desperate attempt to get noticed and be closer, but in the end, our efforts are still unrewarded and we end up being sorry for ourselves. "YOU DON'T HAVE TO FORGET SOMEONE YOU LOVE. WHAT YOU NEED TO LEARN IS TO ACCEPT THE REALITY WITHOUT BEING BITTER OR SORRY FOR YOURSELF. YOU ARE BETTER OFF GIVING THAT LOVE AND DEDICATION TO SOMEONE MORE DESERVING."

Don't let your heart run your life. Be sensible and let your mind speak for itself. Listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well. Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow.

'IF YOU LOSE LOVE, THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU HAVE FAILED. CRY IF YOU HAVE TO, BUT MAKE SURE THAT THE TEARS WASH AWAY THE HURT AND THE BITTERNESS THAT THE PAST HAS LEFT YOU. LET GO OF YESTERDAY AND LOVE WILL FIND ITS WAY BACK TO YOU.' And when it does, pray that it stays and lasts a lifetime.

A woman on the rebound could easily fall for sweeping emotions and be made to falsely believe that she finally stumbled upon the right man, when what she just found is only someone to cover up for the love that she lost. A man who makes promises with words and not with actions may never live up to fulfill them. It's true that love can wait forever, but it is crazy to stubbornly hope for someone who doesn't even care or understand how we feel.

Loving someone is never a sin. It is what people do out of love that sometimes makes it all wrong. The selfish desire to want that person is what makes it a sin. Don't think only of your feelings, for real love doesn't have a place for selfish people. When there is love, there is always sacrifice.

When we love someone, we don't easily give up on that person. Even if we get hurt badly, we always try to find a way to ease the pain and learn to understand and forgive. Loving too much doesn't hurt. It is when we expect this love to be reciprocated that we begin to seek approval and acceptance for the things we have done. And when are taken for granted and rejected, we curse the very same love that we once freely and happily offered.

'DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME WAITING FOR SOMEONE WHO NEVER REALLY CARED ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL. OPEN YOUR HEART AGAIN, AND GIVE YOURSELF THE CHANCE TO FIND THE MAN WHO WOULD MAKE LOVE WORTH THE PAIN AND THE SACRIFICE.'

Just like anything else, our love grows weak and extent. Beyond that, it withers without any hope of recovery and soon dies. 'GOD WAKES US UP IN THE MIDST OF A STORM TO TEACH US A LESSON. HE TAKES AWAY PEOPLE WE LOVE, SO WE CAN LEARN TO VALUE LOVE ITSELF. HE MAKES US CRY SO HARD SO WE CAN SEE CLEARLY WHEN WE OPEN OUR EYES. HE MAKES US BITTER SO WE CAN REALIZE THERE IS NO GENUINE HAPPINESS IF WE THINK ONLY OF OUR NEEDS AND NOT OF OTHERS.'

Set yourself free... (part 1)

LOVE Anyone who has gone through the agony of losing someone she loves so much will still wish against all odds to have that love back. But sometimes, a love lost is a love gone forever. No amount of hope can bring to life a relationship that has died a natural death. Set yourself free. Let your heart spread its own wings and fly. Remember, it may rain for 40 days and 40 nights, but it won't last forever.

One day, the pouring will stop and there will be plenty of branches where you can find rest. One of these is where you will build your nest and start all over again. It's never too late. Remember, You may find love and lose it, but 'WHEN IT DIES, YOU NEVER HAVE TO DIE WITH IT.' You cannot be a redeemer all your life.

The best way to weigh a relationship is out in the test of fire. You cannot be a sooner of your mistake forever. We all fall and make wrong decisions, but blunders are meant not to bury us deep in misery, but to teach us the valued lessons in life.

Loving is always a learning process. With love, we learn how to care and sacrifice. We learn to share and reach out. We learn to be UNSELFISH AND GIVE MORE THAN WE RECEIVE. And when everything doesn't end well, we learn how it feels to fall, to strive back to get back on our feet and move on.

This is where we learn that "LIFE D0ESN'T END WHERE OUR HEARTACHES BEGIN. THERE IS NO FUTURE IN A RELATIONSHIP OF LIES AND SELFISHNESS. IT'S TRUE, THERE IS LIFE IN LOVE." But there can still be life even after losing love if you leave the past behind and let your heart heal and give you the chance to find yourself again.

The success of a relationship lies not only in the beauty of its beginning but in its consistency. Make a choice not on impulse but a decision based on a healthy balance of mind and heart. Let us always remember that "HAPPINESS IS NOT A MATTER OF DESTINY, BUT A MATTER OF CHOICE."

ALL FOR A BAR OF SOAP

In Love in the the Time of Cholera, Nobel laureate Gabriel Garcia Marquez portrays a marriage that disintegrates over a bar of soap. It was the wife’s job to keep the house in order, including the towels, toilet paper, and soap in the bathroom. One day she forgot to replace the soap. Her husband exaggerated the oversight: “I’ve been bathing for almost a week without any soap.” She vigorously denied forgetting to replace the soap. Although she had indeed forgotten, her pride was at stake, and she would not back down. For the next seven months they sleep in separate rooms and ate in silence. Their marriage had suffered a heart attack.

“Even when they are old and placid,” writes Marquez, “they were very careful about bringing it up, for the barely healed wounds could begin again as if they had been inflicted only yesterday.” How can a bar of soap ruin a marriage? The answer is actually simple. Neither partner would say , “Forgive me.”

Forgiveness is critically important to the success of marriage. In becoming soul mates you must wrap and rewrap your partnership over and over with many layers of forgiveness. Why, you ask?
Because forgiveness is the only way to break the inevitable cycle of blame and pain in marriage. Two ppl living together are going to, at some point, get on each other’s nerves. A power struggle will merge over a tit-for-tat issue: “I can’t believe you didn’t buy the cereal I like.”
“Wait a minute, aren’t you supposed to be in charge of the groceries?”
“ Don’t try to pass the blame to me—you said you would buy it”
“ Yes, but I told you to remind me”
“ Why should I? It’s your responsibility.”

Such inane conversation bleats on and on in marriage until one of the partners says, “I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?” Marriage cannot last without forgiveness. If you are looking for fairness, don’t look for it in marriage. Soul mates survive on forgiveness, not fairness.

Forgiving your partner is a way of saying, “I’m human. I make mistakes. I want to be granted that privilege, and so I grant you that privilege.” Charles Williams has suggested that “no word in English carries a greater possibility of terror than the little word as in “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespasses against us.” For this clause in the Lord’s prayer tells us that the condition of forgiving then is to be forgiven; the condition of being forgiven is to forgive.”

So wrap your marriage in forgiveness. “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Eph. 4:32).

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON? (part 3)

But the answer to
this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage.
It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't
fall in love with someone else. You could. And
TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in
the same situation a few years later. Because (
listen carefully to this): THE KEY TO
SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING
THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE
THE PERSON YOU FOUND. SUSTAINING
love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll
NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find "
LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and
day out. That's why we have the
______expression " the labor of love." Because it
takes time, effort, and energy. And most
importantly, it Takes WISDOM. You have to know
WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work. Make
no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery.
There are specific things you can do ( with or
without your spouse ) to succeed with your
marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the
universe ( such as gravity), there are also laws
for relationships. Just as the right diet and
exercise Program makes you physically stronger,
certain habits in your relationship WILL make
your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and
effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results
are predictable...You can " make" love. Love in
marriage is indeed a “decision"... Not just a
feeling.” Being happy doesnt mean everything is
okay, it only means you've decided to see
beyond imperfections whatever happens.."

Did I marry the right person? (part 2)

People in love sometimes say, " I was swept of
my feet." Think about the Imagery of that
______expression. It implies that you were just
standing there; doing nothing, and then
something came along and happened TO YOU.
Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and
spontaneous experience. But after a few years of
marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the
Natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but
surely, phone calls become a bother ( if they
come at all), touch is not always welcome (when
it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies,
instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The
symptoms of this stage vary with every
relationship, but if you think about your marriage,
you will notice a dramatic difference between the
initial stage when you were in love and a much
duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this
point, you and/or your spouse might start
asking, " Did I marryThe right person?" And as
you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of
the love you once had, you may begin to desire
that experience with someone else. This is when
marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse
for their unhappiness and look outside their
marriage for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment
comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the
most obvious. But sometimes people turn to
work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive
TV, or abusive substances.

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON? (part 1)

For those who are married… DID I MARRY THE
RIGHT PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a woman
asked a common question. She said, "How do I
know if I married the right person ?” I noticed that
there was a large man sitting next to her so I
said, " It Depends. Is that your husband?" In all
seriousness, she answered " How do you know?"
Let me answer this question because the
chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.
Here's the answer:

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning,
you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated
their call, wanted their touch, and liked their
idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse
wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural
and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to
DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in
love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

Secrets for healthy relationship... (part 3)

Touch every day

Touching is a vital human need. Studies have shown that without touching, many animals - including humans - will die in childhood. Being caressed also lowers blood pressure and releases natural opiates in the brain, as well as the chemical oxytocin, which is essential for human pair-bonding. For more, see Sensual touching.

Touch has the power to comfort and support, to protect and encourage, to relax and, of course, to arouse. Every couple knows their \bsexo?\b life may have dry periods, but our need for physical affection never changes.

Accept change

People change over the years and it's these changes that can keep a relationship alive. Life changes too - and not always in ways that we want.

Change can provide opportunities for growth and intimacy, but it can also be painful. It may mean adjusting to a new way of thinking or a new way of life. It may also mean letting go of things that have been familiar and safe.

In successful relationships, couples learn to adapt and change together. They accept that change is an inevitable part of human life and support each other, for better for worse.

secrets for healthy relationship... (part 2)

Make quality time

The importance of things can be measured by the amount of time we're willing to give them. When a couple first gets together, they instinctively prioritise their relationship. But as time goes by and life gets busier with work and children, time together often slips down the list of priorities.

If you don't spend regular quality time together, chances are you'll drift apart. Making such time for each other may mean sacrificing other activities, but remember it's an investment in your future happiness.

Communicate

Good communication is essential for a healthy relationship. It's the only way you can tell your partner who you are, what you want and why you behave the way you do. Talking is the way we let each other into our private worlds.

Communicating better is about learning to say openly and honestly exactly what you think and feel. It also means listening to your partner without judgement. For more see Talk and listen.

Argue well

It's important to accept that arguments are a normal part of a relationship. We're all unique and so we're bound to have our differences.

Couples who argue well don't have to worry about not always agreeing. A good argument is an opportunity to share your feelings and strengthen your bond by reaching a decision you're both happy with. It can be an experience that leaves you both feeling more confident about your relationship and brings you closer together.

secrets for healthy relationship... (part 1)

Love yourself

Unless you love yourself, it's hard for you to believe that anyone else will.

Self-esteem is important for a healthy relationship. When you truly like yourself, in spite of any failings and weaknesses you may have, you'll feel confident. And when you feel confident and secure within yourself, you can enjoy being with your partner for the joy they bring to your life, not because you feel you need them to survive. For tips on building confidence see the Improving confidence site.

If you've had bad experiences in the past, it's worth working through these issues with a trusted friend or counsellor. It can be tempting to lean on your partner and rely on them for reassurance, but the stronger you are as an individual, the stronger and more equal your relationship will be.

Like your partner

Healthy relationships happen between two people who really like each other. It may be more romantic to talk about love, but it's important to remember that love is an emotion that comes and goes.

If you genuinely like each other, enjoy being together, agree with how each other thinks and behaves, and share the same dreams in life, then loving feelings will never be too far away.

It's important to tell your partner you like them, too. Warm words of encouragement and support build trust and respect. Add the odd compliment as well and you'll be helping to boost their self-esteem.

CHOICES OR CHANCE...

When we meet the right person to love, when we're at the right place at the right time, that's chance. When you meet someone you're attracted to, that's not a choice. That's chance. Being caught up in a moment (and there are a lot of couples who get together because of this) is not a choice. That's also a chance. The difference is what happens afterwards. When will you take that infatuation, that crush, that mind-blowing attraction to the next level? That's when all sanity goes back, you sit down and contemplate whether you want to make this into a concrete relationship or just a fling. If you decide to love a person, even with his faults, that's not a chance. That's choice. When you choose to be with a person, no matter what, that's choice. Even if you know there are many people out there who are more attractive, smarter, and richer than your mate, and yet, you decide to love your mate just the same, that's choice. Infatuation, crushes, and attraction come to us by chance. But true love that lasts is truly a choice. A choice that we make. Regarding soulmates, there's a beautiful movie quote that I believe is so true about this: "Fate brings you together, but it's still up to you to make it happen." I believe that soulmates do exist, that there is truly someone made for you. But it's still up to you to make the choice if you're going to do something about it or not. We may meet our soulmates by chance, but loving and staying with our soulmate is still a choice we have to make. We came to the world not by finding someone perfect to love, BUT to learn how to love an imperfect person perfectly.
~Author Unknown~

The One that ALMOST Got Away...

In your life, you'll make note of a lot of people. Ones who will always mean something. There's the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you're with... and the one that got away. Who is the one that got away?

It's that person with who everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn't fall the right way. I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance. How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you're not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn't matter who you're with, it just doesn't work.

Small problems become big; inconsequentials become dealbreakers simply because you're not ready and it shows. It's not that you and the person you're with are no good; it's just that it's not yet right. Then one day you're ready. You really are. And when this happens you'll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it'll work because you're ready. It'll work because it's the right time and you'll make it work. And it'll make sense, it really will. So that day comes when you're finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want, and you've become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there's no telling when this day will come. Hopefully you're single but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn't matter. All you know is that you've changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about.

You'll think about them because you'll wonder, "What if they were here today?" You'll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?" That's what the one that got away is. The biggest "What if?" you'll have in your life. If you're married, you'll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you're mature enough to realize that you're already with the one you're with and this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you'll think about him/her every so often, but it's alright. It's never nice to live with a "might have been," but it happens. Maybe the one that got away is the one who's already married. In which case it's the same thing.

You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you're old and gray and reminiscing. But if neither of that is the case, then it's different. What do you do if it's not yet too late? Simple...find him, find her. Because the very existence of a "one that got away" means that you'll always wonder, what if you got that one? Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie, it doesn't matter if you've dropped in from out of nowhere. You'd be surprised, you just might be "the one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got away." If the timing is finally right, it'll all just fall into place somehow and you know it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say to someone, "Hey you, You're the one that ALMOST got away".

If you have 3 suitors...

If you have 3 suitors,
Good catch, personality attractive.
Good job, stable to support a family
Have money, savings and investment.

What is the most qualification to you to choose the best
one?

Pick the one who makes you feel happiest,
who always does what he says he will,
who remembers your birthday and your favourite colour,

who knows that a word of kindness is worth more than a word
of criticism,
who is able to talk about his feelings even when they make
him seem weak or vulnerable,

Actually, I'm afraid it's even simpler than that:
if you find it difficult to choose between them, the honest
truth is that you don't really want any of them. My mother
gave me that advice btw and I find it works.

Let them go. Pick the next one to come along, the one that
you KNOW is the best in the world, who you can't live
without even for another day or another second.

Attractiveness fades with age
Jobs get lost, and stability becomes boring over time
Someone who values money may be insecure and value it more
than relationship

Advise from Oprah regarding Men

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. You cannot change a man's behaviour. Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing all the bending... Compromise is two way street. You need time to heal between relationships... there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary... not supplementary. Dating is fun... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others. Share this with other women... You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

46 Ouchs!!! About Love (part 3)

continuation...

31. Fighting for that one thing that would make you happy, that is, holding on to a person who can't guarantee you his/her commitment unless he/she fix himself/herself then you are left hanging for the moment, then he/she says, "time will tell"... (so confusing). But you still decided to hope in him/her and trust him/her.

32. Pretending you're okay when inside you're dying...

33. Pretending to be strong.... and recognizing your weakness.

34. Lying in bed each night, thinking of that special person you can never have...

35. Being with someone you can't actually love...

36. Pretending you don't love a person whom you actually do...

37. Being in love...

38. Letting go even if you really don't want to...having no right to say you are hurting because it was your decision.

39. Seeing the person you love hurt because of you... and not being able to help that person...

40. Having the courage to say "I LOVE YOU" to the person you love and finding out afterwards that things will never be the same again when he/she doesn't treat you with the same closeness as before.

41. Having to face the fact that someone is capable of completely destroying the wall that you have set for yourself, leaving you weak and vulnerable.

42. Admitting that you love someone despite his/her imperfections.

43. Finding out that the more you try to hate
him/her, the more you end up loving him/her,
perhaps even more than before.

44. Realizing how stupid your mistakes were that led to your break-up.

45. The thought that this guy/girl, used to really love you and you loved him/her as well but you didn't give enough and he/she gave up on you.

46. Sharing the one you love with SOMEBODY
else.....

46 Ouchs!!! About Love (part 2)

continuation..

16. Finding the perfect guy/girl...with only one problem--- he/she doesn't love you...the way you want him/her to...

17. Helping the one you love "court" your friend/helping your friend "court" the one you love.

18. Seeing the one you love crying for someone
else.

19. Waiting also hurts like hell.

20. Having to hear "... I've met someone".

21. Agreeing to his/her wish to "just be friends".

22. Asking his/her freedom back bcoz he'd/she'd be happier with him/her.

23. Asking you to "forget that everything happened" and be "normal" friends again.

24. Hearing that you're treated as a little bro/sis (ouch!).

25. Sharing his/her future plans for the guy/girl with you.

26. You stopped being friends bcoz his gf/her bf asked him/her to.

27. Being denied in front of people.

28. Telling you lies where he'd/she'd been when actually, he/she was with a "new friend" or an "old flame" (whew!)

29. He/she told you he'd/she'd be leaving you to return to his/her ex? the one he/she left for you!

30. Breaking someone's heart.

46 Ouchs!!! About Love (part 1)

1. Letting go of a person you've just learned to love.

2. Reminiscing the good times you shared
together.

3. Shielding your heart to love somebody.

4. Trying to hide what you really feel.

5. Trying to hide the tears that involuntarily fall from your eyes.

6. Loving a person too much.

7. Giving up someone you never thought of giving up.

8. Having the right love at the wrong time.

9. Taking the risk to fall in love again.

10. Hiding your relationship from someone else.

11. Controlling your feelings to avoid hurting a friend.

12. Thinking of him/her every waking and sleeping moment knowing all the while that he/she never even thinks a single thought of you...

13. Letting go, because everytime you see the person, you only fall deeper.

14. Holding back only to find out when it's too late,.you both felt the same way, but were only scared to lose each other so much that you didn't let the feelings out.

15. Falling in love with someone you didn't mean to fall in love with.

Myth about LOVE (part 4 & 5)

 continuation...

MYTH 4: YOUR PARTNER WILL FULFILL YOU COMPLETELY

Again because falling in love satisfied you completely -- you want the same satisfaction to last. No it won't. Consequence? You might fail to recognize a good relationship because your partner isn't fulfilling the needs you should be fulfilling yourself.

Here's the truth: the right partner will fulfill many of your needs but not all of them.

There are just some things your husband can't give you: your self-worth. Your spirituality. Your inner happiness. These are things you have to work on your own. I've met lots of people who think they're dissatisfied with their marriage. In reality, they're dissatisfied with themselves. I've met lots of people who think they're bored with their marriages. And they complain to the high heavens how boring their husband or wife is ---- when in truth, they're really bored with life.

Meet your own needs. Find your happiness in God. Find your niche, your calling, your destiny. And then share your joy with your spouse.

MYTH 5: IF IT'S TRUE LOVE YOU WON'T BE ATTRACTED TO ANYONE ELSE

if you believe in this myth, you panic when you get attracted to someone else, questioning the authenticity of your love for your spouse.

One man told me, 'Bo, I love my wife. Or I thought I did. But then I met this woman at work. She has nice make-up. She smells nice. She wears a pencil-cut skirt. When I go home, my wife is wearing a drab rag. Her hair is undone. She smells of vinegar. Gosh I am attracted to this girl at work."

Being attracted to someone is normal ----- even if you have a happy marriage. But being attracted doesn't mean falling into adultery.

Every time you think of the other woman, discipline your heart and say, 'Home, boy, Home!' and escort your heart back to your wife. Because if you feed your attraction with fantasies and constantly think about the other woman, it grows.

But if you starve your attraction, it dies a natural death.

Myths about LOVE... (part 3)

Continuation ...

MYTH 3: IF IT IS TRUE LOVE YOU WILL FEEL THIS WAY FOR EACH OTHER FOREVER

No, you won't. Here are the consequences for believing this myth:

You panic when the feelings wane, and wonder whether the marriage is over and whether you really loved one another in the first place.

Imagine the night of your honeymoon. Your new bride is sleeping. The cotton curtains are gently swaying in the cool breeze. You gaze at her lovely face. You study her soft cheeks. Her long eyelashes. Her beautiful nose, her parted red lips.

And all of a sudden, she snores. How do you react? Because it's your honeymoon, you say, 'How cute.'

Six months down the road, the same scene transpires. Your wife is sleeping. And the same cotton curtains are gently swaying in the cool breeze. And you hear her snore. What do you say? "Ssheeeesh, Honey! You sound like a boat!"

What has happened? The feelings have gone. Let me say this: 'That's normal. It happens to everyone. But it doesn't mean your love is gone so don't panic!

You can make a decision to love the snoring boat.

You start blaming your partner for the loss of love this is nutty. But many people do it: when we don't feel in love, we think it's the fault of the other person. And so we fight him. Again, we fall out of love because we're human beings. It's nobody's fault. The moment you fall out of love, the real work begins.

Let me explain.

This is the most important point I'm going to make.

"Falling in love isn't love."

Here's why. When you fall in love...

- a. No decision is required. Falling in love just happens.

- b. No effort is required. Falling in love is like.... Well, falling.

- c. No hard work is required. Falling in love is being bitten by the love bug.

On the other hand, true love requires all three: Decision, effort and lots of hard work. In the Bible, love is a command. You make it happen. Sure true love can only happen after you've fallen out of love.

When you begin choosing to love, even if you don't feel like doing it ---- that's true love. And that's the foundation of a lasting marriage.

Myths about LOVE... (part 2)

continuation Myths about Love (part 1)

MYTH 2: WHEN IT"S TRUE LOVE YOU WILL KNOW THE MOMENT YOU MEET THE OTHER PERSON

I'm sure you've had this experience before.

You are in a crowded room. You're surrounded by boring, noisy chatter when, suddenly, this gorgeous guy enters the door. Your eyes meet. Instantly, time stands still. The universe grinds to a halt. Except for this attractive man in front of you, everything in your vision becomes a giant blur. The hubbub of the crowd becomes a soft muffle and, from out of nowhere, you here gentle violin music from the background.

One week later, he's your boyfriend.

A few weeks later, you discover that your boyfriend's a pathological liar, buried in credit card debt, borrows money from all his girlfriends (you're his eight in six months).

Your mind says, 'Dump him'. Your heart says, 'But it was love at first sight!'

Here are the consequences ...

You become so focused on the magical first moment, you become blind to the dark side of the relationship.

Six out of seven days, you're fighting with your boyfriend. But you can't give him up because you met each other in such a magical moment. Your car keys fell and he picked it up, and then your eyes met, you smelled his deodorant, and you dropped your keys again ......How can you not be meant for each other?

You become a love-at-first- sight junkie that you could miss out on the 'real thing'.

One intelligent woman told me, 'Bo, there's this guy who's courting me. He's okay. He's kind, he's responsible, and he has a good job.......'

"I could hear a 'but' coming," I said.
"But there are no sparks!" she bit her lip.
"No violin music playing in the background huh?"
"None. When I see him, the background music I hear is lululalu-lalulalula lei..."

"Listen. You don't need a magical first moment to meet your potential husband. The important things are mature character, financial responsibility, ability for commitment, compatible mission and values..."

I actually met this girl again on her wedding, and before she marched down the aisle, she whispered to me, "Do you hear the violin music, Bo? It's loud and clear."

It doesn't have to be love at first sight. In fact, marriages with the least adjustments are those between friends who've known each other for years before they realize that they're good marriage material.

What is love at first sight? Many times, it's lust at first sight. Or infatuation at first sight. Don't give it too much weight.

Here's the truth: it takes a moment to experience infatuation but true love takes a lifetime.

Myths about LOVE... (part 1)

*** This is long, but worth reading that's why I opted to post it here to share...An eye-opener....
-----------------------

Falling in love happens to the young and the not-so-young. It happens to everyone. Fat, thin, tall, short, intelligent, uneducated, holy, not so holy, dark, white, yellow, green... it doesn't really matter.

All of us fall in love. And we get stuck in myths that drive us absolutely crazy.

My goal is to debunk these myths and convince you not to believe in them.

Let's begin ...

MYTH 1: LOVE WILL CONQUER ALL

Let me qualify.

This is such a tricky myth. Because love ----- as defined by the Bible ------ will conquer all. But love ------ as defined by glazed-eyed lovers ----- will not.

If you believe in this myth, you might do the following:

You overlook major obstacles in your relationship.

Everyone you know is wondering why you chose that creature from outer space as your boyfriend. Your best friends are telling you to get rid of him. Your family is telling you to throw him out of a running vehicle. Aling Rosa of the sari-sari store across the street is telling you to lace his drink with poison.

But you won't --------- because you're in love. That's why there are songs entitled, "you and me against the world."

Your best buds comment, 'but he's been jobless for the past three years!" And you say, "He's free-spirited. He feels boxed in when he's in the office. '(In other words, he's undisciplined, lazy bum.)

Your officemates say, 'He flirts with other women constantly!' and you say, 'No, he's just friendly.' (In other words, he's a pervert)

Your cousins say, 'He's taking drugs, He's got needle marks all over his arm. And you say, 'No, he's into cross stitching.'

You overstay in toxic relationships, believing that your love will change him.

The wedding doesn't transform anyone...Even if three Popes officiate the wedding. The person you'll march with into the church will be the same person you'll march with out of the church. He doesn't change one bit.

In fact, the marriage makes the hidden more obvious.

If he was selfish before he got married, he will be even more selfish after the wedding. If he was hypercritical before he got married, he'll even be more vile and prolific with his criticisms after wedding. Here's the truth: You need more than feelings of love to make a relationship work. You need mature character, total commitment and a minimum level of compatibility.

(Especially compatibility in the area of values and mission in life. I hear people say, 'We're compatible. Our names begin with the same letter J. My name is Julie and his name is Julio. We're both born in July.)

The Essence of True Love...

Love doesn't have to have a happy ending, because love doesn't have to end at all. A man realized he wanted his love back not wanting to be hurt again. The girl said "no." the man cried out to God, "if it was meant to be, why did I lose her?" God replied, "you didn't lose her...you let her go!" when you love someone, don't expect that person to love you back the same amount. One of you will be ahead, the other behind. It's either you catch up or the other waits.

THINK OF THIS: have you really cared for someone more than you expected? Have you ever tried to love him/her in spite of all the pain? Will you keep on loving him/her as he/she whispers someone else's name? Will you??? true love hears what is not spoken, and understands what is not explained, for love doesn't work in the mouth, nor the mind, but in the heart... when you love, you must not accept anything in return, for if you do, you're not loving but investing. if you love, you must prepare to accept pain, for if you expect happiness, your not loving but using...

WHAT IF SOMEONE TELLS YOU THIS: never be afraid to fall in love. it may hurt a lot, it may give you aches and pains, but if you don't follow your heart, in the end you will cry even more for not giving love a chance. I'm sorry if you can't love me the way you loved the one before me, so I'll let you go to find him/her and hope someday you'll see that the one true love you're looking for was the one who set you free... Aint it funny we're trying to catch the attention of the one we think we love? we hardly notice the one we're really looking for was just there. you don't notice them 'till they are in the arms of someone else... love is like standing on wet cement, the longer you stay the harder it is to leave... and you can never go without leaving your prints behind...

FOOD FOR THOUGHT: it's better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than lose that someone you love with your useless pride. I can't choose who I'm going to love, but I also can't just love who chooses to love me... and you can't blame me in choosing to love you as much as I can't blame you for not learning to love me. "How can I say goodbye to someone I never had? Why do tears fall for someone who was never mine? why is that I miss someone I was never with and I ask why I love someone who's love was never mine?" it's hard for two people to love each other when they live in two different worlds... but when these two worlds collide and become one, that's what you call..............magic! Don’t love a person like a flower, because a flower dies in season. Love them like a river because a river flows forever... "love may leave your heart like shattered glass, but keep in mind that there's someone who'll be willing to endure the pain of picking up the pieces so you could be whole again" the most cruel thing a guy could do to a girl is to let her fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall! (And vice versa!) "Work like you don't need the money, Love like you've never been hurt, Dance like you do, when nobody is watching.

THIS IS THE ESSENCE OF TRUE LOVE.....

A Love That Bites

I'm going to fall in love someday. One day, perhaps from out of the blue, perhaps from behind my back, some wonderfully precious lady is going to grab one of those caveman type clubs and send it crashing down over my head. She's going to make me see stars. For days I'm going to be in a smiling stupor. Maybe I'll even drool a bit. And I'm going to be in love. This love is going to be neither cheap nor easy. It's not going to be a plastic ring bought at the corner dimestore. It's not going to be a brass ring purchased at some commercial mall. It's going to be a set of diamonds on a ring of gold. This ring will not come from a gemstore though. I'm going to craft it myself. I'm going to travel through valleys and hills, up mountains, and down chasms in search of rich mines. I'm going to smelt the ore, fashion the ring, cut the diamonds, and forge this magnificent jewel. It's going to shine in the sunlight, glitter in the moonlight, and it will last for more than a thousand years. And it will be for her. Now I don't want this love to be bed of roses, painted or otherwise. I don't want it simply sweet and sugary. I don't want it to be just like peppermint bits or chocolate kisses. I want this love to hurt. I want this love to bite. I want this love to be able to bite. I'm not talking about love bites. I'm not talking about ant bites, mosquito bites, bee stings. I don't want to be bitten by some pitiful insect that I can slap away or crush with barely a thought. I want to be bitten by something with teeth. I want to be bitten by a great white shark or the king of the jungle. I want a piece of myself to be torn away and chewed on. I want to bleed. I'm not crazy and I'm not a masochist. I have never enjoyed pain and I don't like being hurt. But I want my love to be able to hurt me. I want my love to be someone I can fuss over, someone who'll have me pulling out my hair in fistfuls trying to decide whether she'd rather have the dozen roses or the Valentine truffles. I want my love to make me chew my fingernails down to my knuckles when it's almost midnight and she's not home from the office yet. I want my love to make my heart pound ceaselessly when I worry about her driving on highways inhabited by gas-pedal-pushing madmen. I want my love to make me pace back and forth, wearing deep trenches in the carpet, when it's 8:30 and she hasn't called yet. I want my love to push big, fat, watery tears from the hiding places in my eyes, down my flushed cheeks, off my hardened chin, and onto my clenched fists when she yells the word "hate" in my face and calls me a jerk. I want to feel the cold kiss of steel through my heart should my love ever leave me all alone. And should my love ever die, I want to weep for days on end. I want to scream and kick and curse and hate. I want to feel as if my body were being burned by fierce flames. I want to thrash madly about and when my spirit is spent, I want to feel a noose tighten around my neck, slowly choking me. With my hands clasped about my throat, I want to feel cold, as if ice had slid though my veins. I want to feel the heavy black weight loss and love on my frail shoulders. I want my love to hurt, hurt as painfully as can be. I want to feel every bit of this pain. I want to feel every bit of this love. I want this because love that doesn't hurt is love that isn't real. And I want the real thing for me and my true love.
by Paolo Manlapaz 

Red Rose

Each year he sent her roses, and the note would always say, I love you even more this year, than last year on this day. My love for you will always grow, with every passing year." She knew this was the last time that the roses would appear. She thought, he ordered roses in advance before this day. Her loving husband did not know, that he would pass away. He always liked to do things early, way before the time. Then, if he got too busy, everything would work out fine. She trimmed the stems and placed them in a very special vase. Then, sat the vase beside the portrait of his smiling face. She would sit for hours, In her husband's favorite chair. While staring at his picture, and the roses sitting there. A year went by, and it was to live without her mate. With loneliness and solitude, that had become her fate. Then, the very hour, The doorbell rang, and there were roses sitting by her door. She brought the roses in, and then just looked at them in shock. Then, went to get the telephone, to call the florist shop. The owner answered, and she asked him, if he would explain, Why would someone would do this to her, causing her such pain? "I know your husband passed away, more than a year ago," The owner said, "I knew you'd call, and you would want to know. The flowers you received today, were paid for in advance. Your husband always planned ahead, he left nothing to chance. There is a standing order, that I have on file down here, And he has paid, well in advance, you'll get them every year. There also is another thing, that I think you should know, He wrote a special little card...he did this years ago. Then, should ever I find out that he's no longer here, that's the card that should be sent to you the following year." She thanked him and hung up the phone, her tears now flowing hard. Her fingers shaking, as she slowly reached to get the card. Inside the card, she saw that he had written her a note. Then, as she stared in total silence, this is what he wrote... "Hello my love, I know it's been a year since I've been gone. I hope it hasn't been too hard for you to overcome. I know it must be lonely, and the pain is very real. Or if it was the other way, I know how I would feel. The love we shared made everything so beautiful in life. I loved you more than words can say, you were the perfect wife. You were my friend and lover, you fulfilled my every need. I know it's only been a year, but please try not to grieve. I want you to be happy, even when you shed your tears. That is why the roses will be sent to you for years. When you get these roses, think of all the happiness that we had together, and how both of us were blessed. I have always loved you and I know I always will. But, my love, you must go on, you have some living still. Please...try to find happiness, while living out your days. I know it is not easy, but I hope you find some ways. The roses will come every year, and they will only stop, When your door's not answered, when the florist stops to knock. He will come five times that day, in case you have gone out. But after his last visit, he will know without a doubt! To take the roses to the place, where I've instructed him and place the roses where we are, together once again. Sometimes in life, you find a special friend; Someone who changes your life just by being part of it. Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop; Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world. Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it.