5 Ways to Heal a Heartbreak

“Relationships are like glass.  Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.” ~ Anonymous.

Ending a relationship hurts, even when you know you’re no good together. But just because it hurts to break up, doesn’t mean you’re supposed to stay together! A broken relationship may leave shards of glass behind…and you may need to walk away. Letting go of someone you love  is hard, but it may be the best thing you could ever do.

To let go and heal...
1. Own your actions – you can take control. “I have been trying to get over my first love,” says S.S., who can't let go of her ex. “But every time I decide to do that I end up contacting him or he tries to contact me.” To move on, sometimes you need to cut off all forms of contact. I know how hard it is, but taking control, finding your inner strength, and not responding when he contacts you or you want to contact him is one of the best ways to overcome a breakup. You need to take ownership over your life.
2. Listen to what he says, but believe what he does. “It has been over a year and half since he broke up with me but he still tells me he loves me every time we talk,” says S.S. “I want him to come back to me completely but he says he can’t do that.” If your ex-boyfriend says he can’t get back together with you, believe him. He may say he loves you -- and he may truly love you -- but if he really wanted to be with you, he would be with you. If he says he isn’t love with you anymore , you need to focus on other – better – parts of your life. You must accept what he says and move on. Yes, I know it’s difficult….but the sooner you pull yourself together and overcome the breakup, the happier you’ll be.
3. Stop focusing on your problems, and what you can’t do. Maybe you can’t talk to your friends about the breakup, can’t contact a counselor for professional help, and can’t understand why you can’t to heal your heartache and move on. Well, what CAN you do? What steps can you take towards your goals in life? Your first step is to figure out what your short and long-term goals are. Where do you want to be in one month, three months, six months, and a year? Write those down. Then, underneath each goal (for instance, “feel happier and more confident about my future”), write three ways to accomplish that goal (eg, “spend time with people who are positive and optimistic”, or “start a volunteer job that makes me feel good about who and where I am”). Stop focusing on the “I can’t” and “I wish” parts of life. Instead, move forward towards the things you can achieve!
4. Stay connected to who you are – your authentic self. Many women are confused about how they should act with their ex – especially if the breakup isn’t final. Here’s what Kathleen says: “How do I turn things around and be a fun girl to hang out with again? I’m confused and anxious about approaching any oncoming situation, even things as small as our next phone call, and who should initiate it!” To overcome obsessive thoughts about your ex, you need to stay in touch with your healthiest, happiest, most fulfilled self. This means grounding yourself in what you love to do, connecting with friends and family who know you best, writing your true thoughts and feelings in a journal. It also means not catering to fears, insecurities, or negative feelings.
5. Keep your long-term life goals in mind. Step back from your emotions and feelings and yearnings for a moment. Answer these questions logically and rationally – write your answers in a journal or diary: Is your boyfriend the healthiest choice for you? Are his life goals in line with your long-term life goals? Is he emotionally, physically, and spiritually available to you? Does he want to work on your relationship? Does he bring out the best in you, and make you feel secure, loved, smart, and independent? Think about your relationship with a cool head and calm mind…let yourself feel all those uncontrollable emotions and yearnings, but don’t get swept away in a tidal wave of hopeless love and devotion.
What do you think -- how do you dump your relationship baggage?


by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

Set yourself free... (part 3)

Relationships built on jealousy and selfishness is doomed from the very beginning. The hardest part is of losing love is letting go and moving on. Most of us cry endlessly over things that could have been, but never will be.

"God allows us to experience pain to make us stronger and better persons. He will see us through the most trying and difficult times in our lives. Only in our trust in Him can we learn to find joy in our tears and happiness in our sorrows."

In many failed relationships, separation comes as an inevitable choice but moving on always proves to be twice as difficult as letting go. Sometimes, the end of a relationship is imposed on us, but our choice to hold on is always beyond circumstances.

Letting go is a decision that can never be dictated on us. It is a resolve we make ourselves.

"ACCEPTANCE IS THE KEY TO A NEW BEGINNING, AND TIME IS THE HEALER OF ALL WOUNDS." Even if the storm casts its fearful shadow, there will always be a light after darkness and lonely moments. There is always a hope for those who believe. There is always a chance for those who try.

'LOSING SOMEONE MAY NOT BE A LOSS AT ALL, BUT A BLESSING, BECAUSE SOMEONE EVEN BETTER IS YET TO COME.'

There is nothing wrong in expressing our feelings to someone we love, but we must always be sensitive to the signals that tell us when to rationalize and be sensible. There comes a time when we fall for someone who is not interested in us because his attention is focused on someone else. There are many times when we love but don't get loved in return. There are times when the sign ahead says STOP and we stubbornly head on.

If we say love is unconditional, then we should not expect for anything. But why do we get frustrated when love turns sour? Because we still subconsciously seek acceptance and assurance from the people we care about.

"BEING IN LOVE CAN BE THE MOST WONDERFUL THING WE COULD EXPERIENCE, BUT IF IT BEGINS TO CONSUME OUR WHOLEBEING, THEN WE HAVE TO STOP AND LET OUR MIND AND NOT OUR HEARTS DICTATE OUR ACTIONS. ONLY WHEN WE LEARN TO ACCEPT OUR FATE, AND UNDERSTAND THE MEANING OF OUR FAILURES, CAN WE TRULY GO ON WITH LIFE WITHOUT HAVING TO LOOK BACK AND CRY OVER THE THINGS THAT COULD HAVE BEEN BUT NEVER WILL BE....."

Set yourself free... (part 2)

There comes a time in our lives when we chance upon someone so nice and beautiful, and we just find ourselves getting so intensely attracted to that person. This feeling soon becomes a part of our everyday lives and eventually consumes our thoughts and actions. The sad part of it is when we begin to realize that this person feels nothing more for us than friendship. We start our desperate attempt to get noticed and be closer, but in the end, our efforts are still unrewarded and we end up being sorry for ourselves. "YOU DON'T HAVE TO FORGET SOMEONE YOU LOVE. WHAT YOU NEED TO LEARN IS TO ACCEPT THE REALITY WITHOUT BEING BITTER OR SORRY FOR YOURSELF. YOU ARE BETTER OFF GIVING THAT LOVE AND DEDICATION TO SOMEONE MORE DESERVING."

Don't let your heart run your life. Be sensible and let your mind speak for itself. Listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well. Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow.

'IF YOU LOSE LOVE, THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU HAVE FAILED. CRY IF YOU HAVE TO, BUT MAKE SURE THAT THE TEARS WASH AWAY THE HURT AND THE BITTERNESS THAT THE PAST HAS LEFT YOU. LET GO OF YESTERDAY AND LOVE WILL FIND ITS WAY BACK TO YOU.' And when it does, pray that it stays and lasts a lifetime.

A woman on the rebound could easily fall for sweeping emotions and be made to falsely believe that she finally stumbled upon the right man, when what she just found is only someone to cover up for the love that she lost. A man who makes promises with words and not with actions may never live up to fulfill them. It's true that love can wait forever, but it is crazy to stubbornly hope for someone who doesn't even care or understand how we feel.

Loving someone is never a sin. It is what people do out of love that sometimes makes it all wrong. The selfish desire to want that person is what makes it a sin. Don't think only of your feelings, for real love doesn't have a place for selfish people. When there is love, there is always sacrifice.

When we love someone, we don't easily give up on that person. Even if we get hurt badly, we always try to find a way to ease the pain and learn to understand and forgive. Loving too much doesn't hurt. It is when we expect this love to be reciprocated that we begin to seek approval and acceptance for the things we have done. And when are taken for granted and rejected, we curse the very same love that we once freely and happily offered.

'DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME WAITING FOR SOMEONE WHO NEVER REALLY CARED ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL. OPEN YOUR HEART AGAIN, AND GIVE YOURSELF THE CHANCE TO FIND THE MAN WHO WOULD MAKE LOVE WORTH THE PAIN AND THE SACRIFICE.'

Just like anything else, our love grows weak and extent. Beyond that, it withers without any hope of recovery and soon dies. 'GOD WAKES US UP IN THE MIDST OF A STORM TO TEACH US A LESSON. HE TAKES AWAY PEOPLE WE LOVE, SO WE CAN LEARN TO VALUE LOVE ITSELF. HE MAKES US CRY SO HARD SO WE CAN SEE CLEARLY WHEN WE OPEN OUR EYES. HE MAKES US BITTER SO WE CAN REALIZE THERE IS NO GENUINE HAPPINESS IF WE THINK ONLY OF OUR NEEDS AND NOT OF OTHERS.'

Set yourself free... (part 1)

LOVE Anyone who has gone through the agony of losing someone she loves so much will still wish against all odds to have that love back. But sometimes, a love lost is a love gone forever. No amount of hope can bring to life a relationship that has died a natural death. Set yourself free. Let your heart spread its own wings and fly. Remember, it may rain for 40 days and 40 nights, but it won't last forever.

One day, the pouring will stop and there will be plenty of branches where you can find rest. One of these is where you will build your nest and start all over again. It's never too late. Remember, You may find love and lose it, but 'WHEN IT DIES, YOU NEVER HAVE TO DIE WITH IT.' You cannot be a redeemer all your life.

The best way to weigh a relationship is out in the test of fire. You cannot be a sooner of your mistake forever. We all fall and make wrong decisions, but blunders are meant not to bury us deep in misery, but to teach us the valued lessons in life.

Loving is always a learning process. With love, we learn how to care and sacrifice. We learn to share and reach out. We learn to be UNSELFISH AND GIVE MORE THAN WE RECEIVE. And when everything doesn't end well, we learn how it feels to fall, to strive back to get back on our feet and move on.

This is where we learn that "LIFE D0ESN'T END WHERE OUR HEARTACHES BEGIN. THERE IS NO FUTURE IN A RELATIONSHIP OF LIES AND SELFISHNESS. IT'S TRUE, THERE IS LIFE IN LOVE." But there can still be life even after losing love if you leave the past behind and let your heart heal and give you the chance to find yourself again.

The success of a relationship lies not only in the beauty of its beginning but in its consistency. Make a choice not on impulse but a decision based on a healthy balance of mind and heart. Let us always remember that "HAPPINESS IS NOT A MATTER OF DESTINY, BUT A MATTER OF CHOICE."

ALL FOR A BAR OF SOAP

In Love in the the Time of Cholera, Nobel laureate Gabriel Garcia Marquez portrays a marriage that disintegrates over a bar of soap. It was the wife’s job to keep the house in order, including the towels, toilet paper, and soap in the bathroom. One day she forgot to replace the soap. Her husband exaggerated the oversight: “I’ve been bathing for almost a week without any soap.” She vigorously denied forgetting to replace the soap. Although she had indeed forgotten, her pride was at stake, and she would not back down. For the next seven months they sleep in separate rooms and ate in silence. Their marriage had suffered a heart attack.

“Even when they are old and placid,” writes Marquez, “they were very careful about bringing it up, for the barely healed wounds could begin again as if they had been inflicted only yesterday.” How can a bar of soap ruin a marriage? The answer is actually simple. Neither partner would say , “Forgive me.”

Forgiveness is critically important to the success of marriage. In becoming soul mates you must wrap and rewrap your partnership over and over with many layers of forgiveness. Why, you ask?
Because forgiveness is the only way to break the inevitable cycle of blame and pain in marriage. Two ppl living together are going to, at some point, get on each other’s nerves. A power struggle will merge over a tit-for-tat issue: “I can’t believe you didn’t buy the cereal I like.”
“Wait a minute, aren’t you supposed to be in charge of the groceries?”
“ Don’t try to pass the blame to me—you said you would buy it”
“ Yes, but I told you to remind me”
“ Why should I? It’s your responsibility.”

Such inane conversation bleats on and on in marriage until one of the partners says, “I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?” Marriage cannot last without forgiveness. If you are looking for fairness, don’t look for it in marriage. Soul mates survive on forgiveness, not fairness.

Forgiving your partner is a way of saying, “I’m human. I make mistakes. I want to be granted that privilege, and so I grant you that privilege.” Charles Williams has suggested that “no word in English carries a greater possibility of terror than the little word as in “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespasses against us.” For this clause in the Lord’s prayer tells us that the condition of forgiving then is to be forgiven; the condition of being forgiven is to forgive.”

So wrap your marriage in forgiveness. “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Eph. 4:32).

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON? (part 3)

But the answer to
this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage.
It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't
fall in love with someone else. You could. And
TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in
the same situation a few years later. Because (
listen carefully to this): THE KEY TO
SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING
THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE
THE PERSON YOU FOUND. SUSTAINING
love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll
NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find "
LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and
day out. That's why we have the
______expression " the labor of love." Because it
takes time, effort, and energy. And most
importantly, it Takes WISDOM. You have to know
WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work. Make
no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery.
There are specific things you can do ( with or
without your spouse ) to succeed with your
marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the
universe ( such as gravity), there are also laws
for relationships. Just as the right diet and
exercise Program makes you physically stronger,
certain habits in your relationship WILL make
your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and
effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results
are predictable...You can " make" love. Love in
marriage is indeed a “decision"... Not just a
feeling.” Being happy doesnt mean everything is
okay, it only means you've decided to see
beyond imperfections whatever happens.."

Did I marry the right person? (part 2)

People in love sometimes say, " I was swept of
my feet." Think about the Imagery of that
______expression. It implies that you were just
standing there; doing nothing, and then
something came along and happened TO YOU.
Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and
spontaneous experience. But after a few years of
marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the
Natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but
surely, phone calls become a bother ( if they
come at all), touch is not always welcome (when
it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies,
instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The
symptoms of this stage vary with every
relationship, but if you think about your marriage,
you will notice a dramatic difference between the
initial stage when you were in love and a much
duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this
point, you and/or your spouse might start
asking, " Did I marryThe right person?" And as
you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of
the love you once had, you may begin to desire
that experience with someone else. This is when
marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse
for their unhappiness and look outside their
marriage for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment
comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the
most obvious. But sometimes people turn to
work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive
TV, or abusive substances.